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Thread: Confession Session II

  1. #2041
    Karaage-san, Aishiteru! AfroSamurai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    how the hell did the bot change the thread title? goddamn
    Quote Originally Posted by Nilitch
    You're the kind of person that can't make the difference between "facts" and "far-righty rambling" but somehow you think you can legit talk like this. You're the Ben Shapiro of this forum
    Beautiful. Just beautiful.

  2. #2042
    I'm a bad boy! ;) Nitwit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by AfroSamurai View Post
    how the hell did the bot change the thread title? goddamn
    I have no idea? Can they actually do that? A human I get. But a bot changing the thread name.......
    I'm NOT a doggy. I am a creature from another world.

  3. #2043

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Please stop quoting/replying to bots; it's almost as bad as the bots themselves.

  4. #2044

    Default Magical switcheroo

    Quote Originally Posted by Nitwit View Post
    I have no idea? Can they actually do that? A human I get. But a bot changing the thread name.......
    It isn't that hard really.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kitsune Inferno View Post
    You are a treasure.

  5. #2045
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I've recently realized that sometimes, when people are looking for a romantic relationship, two people will meet with one of them asking the other out, but ultimately being met with rejection. Then, another person comes, and this time, it will be the first guy doing the rejecting. We are constantly bumping into each other, and when someone catches our fancy, we ask and recieve a no; when we catch someone else's fancy, it's our turn to politely decline, if we don't feel a connection or aren't currently looking for a partner or already have one.

    This is life and this is okay. This is the first time in my life my dating game is sort of balanced.


  6. #2046

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I've always agreed to pretty much any decision made for me and went along with whatever was happening because I'm afraid of conflict. From my parents, peers, students, strangers on the internet, etc.

    I don't really care about school or work. I care in the sense of "Getting a degree might increase my chances of getting hired somewhere" and "I need to work to make money and I need money for food, water, etc." But on a personal level, there's no passion. I don't have a dream job because I'm not happy about having to spend several hours a day at a place to make money to live, then coming home probably too exhausted to do anything else except eat, sleep, and get ready for the next day. It takes so much energy just for me to even speak; I don't think I'd survive longer than a week (if that) at a full-time job. I did a part-time volunteer position for a few months and those felt like full days to me.

    I'm glad I'm taking online classes this semester because I have a hard time sitting down for a long time for the on-campus lectures. I don't spend any time studying because it isn't enjoyable for me and I have a hard time motivating myself to do something I don't enjoy.

    I'm an extremely casual person. I like just listening to music, taking walks, etc. I have a low tolerance for pain or hardship and tend to give up when things get tough, because I just can't take that much.

    People say that you should be yourself and not what others want you to be. In the context of careers, that's applicable to cases like "My parents want me to be a doctor, but I want to be a chef" but not as applicable to "I don't really want to have to work or go to school in the first place, I just want to live and enjoy life at my own pace". Unless your parents are rich or you know some kind of life hack to making money without going through the daily grind, you can't really do that.

    I've been going to college for six years now and I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from trying to pretend to care about things that I'm only doing because I'm financially obligated to. I'm exhausted from feeling like I have to walk on eggshells and have limited autonomy, because my parents are sometimes headstrong in their decisions for me and my dad has anger issues brought on from PTSD from the Vietnam War and I'm afraid to express an opinion around him in case he disagrees and explodes. He doesn't know anything about technology and lets his imagination runs wild; he thinks if a phone is on a bed for long enough than the bed will catch on fire. And if you try to correct him about anything he'll either A) scream at you about why you're wrong, B) accuse you of calling him a liar, or C) go drama queen mode and say something like "OKAY, I'M A FUCKING MORON WHO DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING".

    I don't really know what impression I'm giving off here. I feel like I might be coming across as a whiny, lazy child, which isn't my intention. I've held this in for pretty much my whole life because I was afraid of being judged that way. But I needed to get this off my chest somewhere where I felt like I could. I think I had more to say but I don't remember.
    I accept Jesus Burgess as my Lord and Savior

  7. #2047

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Medical Orbit View Post
    I've always agreed to pretty much any decision made for me and went along with whatever was happening because I'm afraid of conflict. From my parents, peers, students, strangers on the internet, etc.

    I don't really care about school or work. I care in the sense of "Getting a degree might increase my chances of getting hired somewhere" and "I need to work to make money and I need money for food, water, etc." But on a personal level, there's no passion. I don't have a dream job because I'm not happy about having to spend several hours a day at a place to make money to live, then coming home probably too exhausted to do anything else except eat, sleep, and get ready for the next day. It takes so much energy just for me to even speak; I don't think I'd survive longer than a week (if that) at a full-time job. I did a part-time volunteer position for a few months and those felt like full days to me.
    .
    Firstly, I don't think there's anything wrong or that you should feel guilty and that it is fine to be exhausted at times or you know for a long time.
    I'm replying because your situation feels a lot like mine.
    I'm currently in a position that I told myself I will not be in. Working towards a degree for the sake of it and not entirely because I'm passionate about the industry.
    Sometimes socializing and rejection at school and my mother(she's not a bad mother perse) not giving any form of advice/encouragement can take a toll. Seeing people living a life they seem damn well proud of but me being a cynic, just can't seem to understand if that's really all there is to it. My family situation aside, I'm starting to feel like my capacity to deal with the grind has been grossly overestimated by myself.
    When it actually started to sink it did I realize that compare to my peers and people my age, I might not be able to cope with studies and make friends as well.
    My industry is that where everyone tries to be a social climber, hopefully that put things into perspective.

    I would say find a dream and drop your degree and chase that passion but we both know that in reality that's a can of worms and an age old debate that no one truly won yet.
    Instead, I find that you might have strong intrapersonal ability or that you are self-reflective and not blind to a truth or easily deluded by your society into thinking that there is a form of happiness in being a gear in society.
    No matter how passionate or how someone believe they have the best job in the world, one should never stop questioning their place in this world.
    There's really no "home" or the "right fit" for anyone. Families can fall apart, there will always be someone more skilled than you.
    You see successful people out there but their roles come with their own shares of worries.

    I'm exhausted at times and to be honest, I don't know what keeps me going either. I have no girlfriend and not having much luck making new friends in my first year nor do I care much about this study. They can tell me I'm lucky I even am getting a recognizable degree but it falls empty to me. Even if I lose future happiness if I don't have love for what I do, it doesn't really matter if I don't care about the happiness in the first place.
    All I know is I have to keep going.
    Do it for myself. So do it for yourself.
    Whoever said money can't buy you happiness haven't been truly poor before. I rather cry wealthy and book a ticket to Paris tomorrow to feel better than to cry poor and be reliant on someone else to give me some empty words of encouragement. If you can't grind for passion, grind for the financial freedom.
    And if one day you get better or stronger, grind and work smart for financial strength so that you can free from what you don't want to do.
    Maybe I'm being too realistic but this keeps me going.

  8. #2048
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I'm writing this down here in hopes that it'll further help me with coping the trauma.

    Last Friday, one of my friends invited me to have a few drinks at a gay bar. I was a bit reluctant, as I had a paper due today and needed to finish up a few things, but I agreed nonetheless thinking I'll have enough time over the weekend.
    After a few drinks, my friend got invited to another, bigger bar (also gay bar) and asked if I wanted to come as well. I agreed again, because I was curious about that place for a while and figured, why not.
    We proceeded to that place where we met up with two other guys I hadn't met before. I got invited to a bunch of drinks (admittedly I went way overboard) and one of the guys even got interested in me. The feeling wasn't mutual and I let him know about this. He said it was okay and showed no sign of malice or anything like that. There was a drag show after which I started to feel sick and something inside me clicked: I had to go home. I ordered a glass of water at the bar which I didn't drink (only a few gulps I think) and then all my memories are either blurry or missing.
    I don't remember getting my coat (I remember climbing the stairs to the exit, the bar was at basement level). I remember somehow finding myself in from of an ATM, putting in my card, somehow not fucking up my pin code (but not actually punching it in). I withrew twice from my account (about 175 dollars worth - I only know this, because I receive and SMS every time I use my card). I don't actually recall holding the money in my hands. My next memory is in a taxi, trying to slowly and cleary tell the driver what my address was. I think I got out of the taxi to throw up. Everything was blurry. The taxi disappeared. I was on the street God knows where, walking to somewhere. I was maybe in the middle of the fucking road, I'm simply unable to remember clearly. I called my grandparents for some reason (can't remember dialling or even having my phone in my hand and unlocking the lockpattern). I remember my granddad's voice. I remember seeing a bus, but couldn't figure out the number it had (it was a nightbus certainly). I remember getting on the road in front of a car, trying to draw attention to myself and getting help. At this point, I realized it wasn't some kind of dream, but reality, and a sense of "I'm going to die".
    I somehow got into another taxi. After that or maybe before I remember handing my phone to the driver to talk to my mom. The next thing, I was on the ground crawling and my mom helped me get up. She made me sit in the taxi and sat next to me. I remember feeling sick and trying to open the door to throw up, but the driver asked me not to. I got a rag I held to my mouth. My mom held my hand and I cried. I asked if I was going to be okay and why my grandparents didn't love me (long story).
    The next thing I remember is lying in my mom's bed at my mom's apartment and her asking me the password for my internet bank account. I lost my wallet (with almost all my id cards, money and card in it) and she wanted to quickly lock my card. I remember the password not working. She still managed to somehow lock the card.

    After that, I woke up and the "nightmare" was sort of over. My mom took me home to my cat. I felt sick the whole day, I could barely hold down water and coca cola. I didn't eat until late in the evening and even then, I came close to throwing it all up. My friends came to get me and took me to them so they could force me to drink and eat (slowly). And not the least to keep me company. I was still shaking and was overall in a very poor psychological shape. I even slept there.

    Since then, someone found my wallet (without the money but everything else in tact), I requested another card at the bank, finished my paper, handed it in today.

    So far, everyone I've told has been very sympathetic and some even told me it's almost a 100% I was drugged and it wasn't alcohol poisoning.

    I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week.


  9. #2049
    21st Century Schizoid Man Johnny B. Decent's Avatar
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    Arizona

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I've been wondering if I have a form of ADD. I've noticed over time that A. I'm having problems keeping attention to say, watching TV, and B. I'm impulsive as hell.

    Also, sometimes I think I talk about things (or post on the internet) I've already done before, but honestly don't remember it.

  10. #2050
    Paradoxically Positive minus.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Hidden:
    Quote Originally Posted by Nolus View Post
    I'm writing this down here in hopes that it'll further help me with coping the trauma.

    Last Friday, one of my friends invited me to have a few drinks at a gay bar. I was a bit reluctant, as I had a paper due today and needed to finish up a few things, but I agreed nonetheless thinking I'll have enough time over the weekend.
    After a few drinks, my friend got invited to another, bigger bar (also gay bar) and asked if I wanted to come as well. I agreed again, because I was curious about that place for a while and figured, why not.
    We proceeded to that place where we met up with two other guys I hadn't met before. I got invited to a bunch of drinks (admittedly I went way overboard) and one of the guys even got interested in me. The feeling wasn't mutual and I let him know about this. He said it was okay and showed no sign of malice or anything like that. There was a drag show after which I started to feel sick and something inside me clicked: I had to go home. I ordered a glass of water at the bar which I didn't drink (only a few gulps I think) and then all my memories are either blurry or missing.
    I don't remember getting my coat (I remember climbing the stairs to the exit, the bar was at basement level). I remember somehow finding myself in from of an ATM, putting in my card, somehow not fucking up my pin code (but not actually punching it in). I withrew twice from my account (about 175 dollars worth - I only know this, because I receive and SMS every time I use my card). I don't actually recall holding the money in my hands. My next memory is in a taxi, trying to slowly and cleary tell the driver what my address was. I think I got out of the taxi to throw up. Everything was blurry. The taxi disappeared. I was on the street God knows where, walking to somewhere. I was maybe in the middle of the fucking road, I'm simply unable to remember clearly. I called my grandparents for some reason (can't remember dialling or even having my phone in my hand and unlocking the lockpattern). I remember my granddad's voice. I remember seeing a bus, but couldn't figure out the number it had (it was a nightbus certainly). I remember getting on the road in front of a car, trying to draw attention to myself and getting help. At this point, I realized it wasn't some kind of dream, but reality, and a sense of "I'm going to die".
    I somehow got into another taxi. After that or maybe before I remember handing my phone to the driver to talk to my mom. The next thing, I was on the ground crawling and my mom helped me get up. She made me sit in the taxi and sat next to me. I remember feeling sick and trying to open the door to throw up, but the driver asked me not to. I got a rag I held to my mouth. My mom held my hand and I cried. I asked if I was going to be okay and why my grandparents didn't love me (long story).
    The next thing I remember is lying in my mom's bed at my mom's apartment and her asking me the password for my internet bank account. I lost my wallet (with almost all my id cards, money and card in it) and she wanted to quickly lock my card. I remember the password not working. She still managed to somehow lock the card.

    After that, I woke up and the "nightmare" was sort of over. My mom took me home to my cat. I felt sick the whole day, I could barely hold down water and coca cola. I didn't eat until late in the evening and even then, I came close to throwing it all up. My friends came to get me and took me to them so they could force me to drink and eat (slowly). And not the least to keep me company. I was still shaking and was overall in a very poor psychological shape. I even slept there.

    Since then, someone found my wallet (without the money but everything else in tact), I requested another card at the bank, finished my paper, handed it in today.

    So far, everyone I've told has been very sympathetic and some even told me it's almost a 100% I was drugged and it wasn't alcohol poisoning.

    I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week.


    Maaan fuck, I'm tremendously sorry that you had to go through this. If there is something I HATE, it is to involuntarily lose control of my senses. Thank goodness you managed to get into a safe place and that your mom and friends have your back! Looking at the circumstances you managed it as best as possible by contacting a person you trust. And thank god in the end it's only a little bit of money missing and you are safe. This absolutely sounds like a roofie, the memory loss and trouble with motoric responses, it's pretty much all typical symptoms but you fought back well so don't blame yourself but instead focus on how clearly you reacted in the middle of this nightmare. Getting psychological support is an amazing idea! If you can and feel like it get a blood sample! These drugs can be detected in your system, but only little time after the incident, I think a day or two max. If you want absolute clarity and it's not too late, do that too.

    To all my apforums youngsters reading this: If you don't know what a roofie is please get some infos on it, for yourself and your friends! Be aware of its dangers. Even though I go out only rarely and infrequently I still encountered that shit twice and to this day I'm still grateful to my chemistry teacher who took her time to explain the effects of rohypnol and gave my class advice on what to look out for. That shit is tasteless and there's no way to notice that it's coming for you until it's too late. So you need to take precautions! When out with friends stranger danger needs to be on 24/7, no matter how charming the invitation from a charismatic stranger was, drinks must only come immediately from the staff's hands or in some cases a friend you really trust. When a drink has been out of sight, even for 5 seconds, it's dead, over and out. Ditch it no matter how expensive, get a new one and guard it like a hawk. Vids like this show how quickly it happens and that it can hit anyone. That's why the buddy system must always be in play. Your friend feels dizzy all of a sudden? Congratulations! You are a parent now! Don't let any stranger who's not a medic get close to your child. Get angry like a lion protecting its cub if they try to approach regardless! In return, if you feel like you're losing grip turn to that friend for protection. Nobody is left behind, nobody leaves on their own, nakamas 4 lyfe. All this advice is valid for both men and women. This shit happens to all of us but men tend to be even more guarded to talk about it. So thanks Nolus for sharing, it's the healthy thing to do. Get better soon and hopefully you overcome this experience.
    Last edited by minus.; November 17th, 2018 at 01:07 AM.
    Things I think are cool!



  11. #2051

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    ...I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.

    Spoiler:
    My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.

    I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.

    And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.

    I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.

    I don't know what to do.
    FC(3DS) - 2724-4238-5489 (LZTan)
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    Bond en Avant practices drawing in SAI

  12. #2052

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Bond en Avant View Post
    ...I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.

    Spoiler:
    My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.

    I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.

    And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.

    I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.

    I don't know what to do.
    Spoiler:


    I wish I could say something, but I had like zero girlfriends in the 25 years of life that I had. And it's not because I didn't tried to it.

    But I may not know how is to break-up, but I do know that you can't like put a tag on your dream girl.

    Women are like colors. You may have a favorite color, but first you have to appreciate the many different colours that exists to like one the most.

  13. #2053
    Paradoxically Positive minus.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Bond en Avant View Post
    ...I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.

    Spoiler:
    My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.

    I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.

    And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.

    I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.

    I don't know what to do.
    Hidden:
    First of all: feeling depressed is not a competition. Can you imagine telling someone whose house burned down that they should be grateful and stop complaining because at least they had a house and homeless people have it worse? Disregarding your pain as trivial in comparison to "other more serious problems" is the wrong approach and will hurt even more on the long run. Of course there are people struggling harder then you and there always will be. But your are the protagonist of your life and it's absolutely legitimate to focus on your subjective problems if they objectively make you feel horrible. Give yourself some slack, i don't think your problem is "stupid" at all. Looking at it rationally: what help is for anybody if you deny yourself a call for support because the problem you have seems to be too small to bother others with? Rationally, if you seek support you can and will becomer stronger to in turn help others in need. No matter how "trivial" a problem is, if it hurts you, take it seriously.

    Second of all: heart break is a motherfucker, simple and clear. You're in a position which makes it even harder by still having contact with the girl you love while she's already in love with another and you need to stop that or it will fuck you up even more. You must take a break from her to heal and emotionally distance yourself from her. Communicate if you must, tell her you still care about her but you must keep some distance. If she's a good soul and has found a loving partner you must accept that for her sake and move on and for that you must let her go. It takes time to heal you can believe that. But it will hurt less and less everyday until you only think of her once a day, once a week, fewer and fewer times. But you must make a cut internally. And there will be love for you out there even if it seems impossible now. I've been there, most people have been there you just need to hold ln till the dark times pass and the good times will roll in.

    Focus on bettering yourself, on becoming a person you would like to be, a person who does not rely on anybody to be happy but is good to themself, and step by step is able to make others happy too.

    Thirdly: when you think of hurting yourself, remember people love you. Your family loves you and your friends do too. Pick one of them who seems like they know a thing or two about love and i'm sure there an open ear. If even after thoughtful consideration, you come to the conclusion that nobody wants to listen to you, come to this thread. We're a bunch of weirdos on an anime message board but we do care. So come around and before you do anything final please come here and talk, communicate, let that shit out of your system. Seriously you made me type out this long ass message when i should be sleeping since I care about, even though we're strangers. Your friends will do the same, just try them. Take care and keep your head up
    Things I think are cool!



  14. #2054

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by minus. View Post
    Hidden:
    First of all: feeling depressed is not a competition. Can you imagine telling someone whose house burned down that they should be grateful and stop complaining because at least they had a house and homeless people have it worse? Disregarding your pain as trivial in comparison to "other more serious problems" is the wrong approach and will hurt even more on the long run. Of course there are people struggling harder then you and there always will be. But your are the protagonist of your life and it's absolutely legitimate to focus on your subjective problems if they objectively make you feel horrible. Give yourself some slack, i don't think your problem is "stupid" at all. Looking at it rationally: what help is for anybody if you deny yourself a call for support because the problem you have seems to be too small to bother others with? Rationally, if you seek support you can and will becomer stronger to in turn help others in need. No matter how "trivial" a problem is, if it hurts you, take it seriously.

    Second of all: heart break is a motherfucker, simple and clear. You're in a position which makes it even harder by still having contact with the girl you love while she's already in love with another and you need to stop that or it will fuck you up even more. You must take a break from her to heal and emotionally distance yourself from her. Communicate if you must, tell her you still care about her but you must keep some distance. If she's a good soul and has found a loving partner you must accept that for her sake and move on and for that you must let her go. It takes time to heal you can believe that. But it will hurt less and less everyday until you only think of her once a day, once a week, fewer and fewer times. But you must make a cut internally. And there will be love for you out there even if it seems impossible now. I've been there, most people have been there you just need to hold ln till the dark times pass and the good times will roll in.

    Focus on bettering yourself, on becoming a person you would like to be, a person who does not rely on anybody to be happy but is good to themself, and step by step is able to make others happy too.

    Thirdly: when you think of hurting yourself, remember people love you. Your family loves you and your friends do too. Pick one of them who seems like they know a thing or two about love and i'm sure there an open ear. If even after thoughtful consideration, you come to the conclusion that nobody wants to listen to you, come to this thread. We're a bunch of weirdos on an anime message board but we do care. So come around and before you do anything final please come here and talk, communicate, let that shit out of your system. Seriously you made me type out this long ass message when i should be sleeping since I care about, even though we're strangers. Your friends will do the same, just try them. Take care and keep your head up
    Spoiler:
    Thank you...
    I want to be strong. I want to be someone that can help people, just like how I've met so many people who want to help me. But... I haven't been able to help out as many people as I'd like. Throughout most of my life, it's just other people helping and supporting me. Other than what I do at work, I feel like there isn't anything I can actually do for other people. I feel like I'm taking substantially more than I'm giving and that I don't deserve it.

    I thought I could just distract myself from depression by drawing, playing games, streaming cartoons... but after a while I just stop clicking and I just sit there and my mind starts wandering to those terrible places. I don't know how other people are able to make it through their problems without incident. Or rather, I don't know why I seem to be the only one who has trouble handling my own problems. All I can think of is cutting myself. I was in the shower earlier, and all I could think of was I want to skip work tomorrow, find a place where I can be alone, turn off my phone, and just cut myself the whole day. Just to let everything out. I can't tell anyone else that because they'll think I'm crazy, there's something wrong with me. I know it looks horrible, but it's all I have left that works even a little bit. I've even made sure to only cut myself in places that would be obscured by clothing throughout the day so people don't freak out about it. Shouldn't that be fine? It helps me feel better and I'm not hurting anyone else.

    Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen and reply to me. I really appreciate it.


    You too KageKageKing. I may not fully understand the colour metaphor but I can sense you're trying to help. Thank you.
    FC(3DS) - 2724-4238-5489 (LZTan)
    FC(Switch) - SW-3434-4042-7728 (Jin)

    Bond en Avant practices drawing in SAI

  15. #2055
    Discovered Stowaway Big Black Hole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
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    Germany

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I fucked up my whole life. (Seriously). Cannot believe what mistakes I made.


    Carrot's still never gonna join the crew.

  16. #2056

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Big Black Hole View Post
    I fucked up my whole life. (Seriously). Cannot believe what mistakes I made.
    It's okay man. I might not be the best person to say this but I believe when people say things will get better.
    Do you want to talk about it here? I feel like that helped me quite a bit.
    FC(3DS) - 2724-4238-5489 (LZTan)
    FC(Switch) - SW-3434-4042-7728 (Jin)

    Bond en Avant practices drawing in SAI

  17. #2057
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Bond en Avant View Post
    ...I need a place to let everything out. I'm out of options.

    Spoiler:
    My life is a wreck. I broke up with the girl of my dreams due to an emotional outburst, and months later, I thought to reconcile with her only to realise that she's found another person. And he's clearly better than me in every way I can think of, and he's much more capable of keeping her happy, and she's still very understanding and supportive of me because she's the nicest, most kind-hearted girl in the world and I threw her away due to overwhelming self-loathing. I can't blame anyone but myself, this misery I feel is a result of my own actions.

    I can't share my sadness with my friends either, and it's not because I haven't tried. Everyone I talk to about this feels awkward, they're not used to seeing me so frantically emotional. They don't know what to do or what to say and start staying away from me because they're afraid of making things worse, and I don't blame them. Every time I look back on how I've been talking to people, I see myself just seething with sorrow and hate for my own self, and I understand why people have been staying away. Nobody wants to talk to someone like that. I've run out of people I can talk to. I'm losing my friends because I don't know how to fucking deal with my own stupid feelings. They say when you show your true self, that's when you'll know who your true friends are, but what if I don't have any true friends? I don't want to be alone. Even if they're just regular friends, I don't want them to leave me.

    And the worst part is that logical side of my brain. It's telling me that this is a stupid problem to get worked up about. There are people out there facing and struggling with problems much worse than my own, why am I breaking down over a little relationship trouble? I'm just a weak ass self-centered coward who can't even kill himself because he's afraid to die. I shouldn't be feeling so depressed. The fact that I am means my priorities aren't right. So what if I'm alone? It's better than causing other people discomfort by pouring out all your emotions onto them. Stop bothering them. They shouldn't have to carry your burdens. Nobody wants that kind of friend. Nobody wants you.

    I want to die but I'm too afraid to do it.

    I don't know what to do.
    I was in a similar situation a few years ago. After a less than ideal break-up, I sank into a deep state of depression and lost some friends along the way too.

    Are you able to get professional help? If you can afford it or have the opportunity to find a therapist who'll see you free of charge, try it. Having a professional listen to what I feel and how that affects my life can be game changing. Results might not show up until a little later though, but keep pushing. Please don't beat up yourself, because your feelings are completely valid. Depression is a vicious beast and it's hard to overcome the initial burden of thinking "I'm weak, I don't deserve help/love/friends" etc.

    As for other people having "bigger" problems, hear me out. I've possibly been drugged and robbed a while ago, and then left to my own devices in the middle of the night in the middle of the city, alone. This is what you'd call a "real problem". Yet I must admit, getting over this experience will most likely be easier and less time consuming, than battling depression. That took me a long time and I still have problems with my self-image and facing my own failings. What I'm trying to say is, your problem, your feelings are all valid and should be taking seriously.

    There is hope for you. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step to solving it as they say. It's a long road and it'll often seem impossible to trudge through ass the shit that stands in your way. You will falter, you will give up not once, but as long as you keep inching forward you can get out of this.

    Quote Originally Posted by minus. View Post

    Maaan fuck, I'm tremendously sorry that you had to go through this. If there is something I HATE, it is to involuntarily lose control of my senses. Thank goodness you managed to get into a safe place and that your mom and friends have your back! Looking at the circumstances you managed it as best as possible by contacting a person you trust. And thank god in the end it's only a little bit of money missing and you are safe. This absolutely sounds like a roofie, the memory loss and trouble with motoric responses, it's pretty much all typical symptoms but you fought back well so don't blame yourself but instead focus on how clearly you reacted in the middle of this nightmare. Getting psychological support is an amazing idea! If you can and feel like it get a blood sample! These drugs can be detected in your system, but only little time after the incident, I think a day or two max. If you want absolute clarity and it's not too late, do that too.

    To all my apforums youngsters reading this: If you don't know what a roofie is please get some infos on it, for yourself and your friends! Be aware of its dangers. Even though I go out only rarely and infrequently I still encountered that shit twice and to this day I'm still grateful to my chemistry teacher who took her time to explain the effects of rohypnol and gave my class advice on what to look out for. That shit is tasteless and there's no way to notice that it's coming for you until it's too late. So you need to take precautions! When out with friends stranger danger needs to be on 24/7, no matter how charming the invitation from a charismatic stranger was, drinks must only come immediately from the staff's hands or in some cases a friend you really trust. When a drink has been out of sight, even for 5 seconds, it's dead, over and out. Ditch it no matter how expensive, get a new one and guard it like a hawk. Vids like this show how quickly it happens and that it can hit anyone. That's why the buddy system must always be in play. Your friend feels dizzy all of a sudden? Congratulations! You are a parent now! Don't let any stranger who's not a medic get close to your child. Get angry like a lion protecting its cub if they try to approach regardless! In return, if you feel like you're losing grip turn to that friend for protection. Nobody is left behind, nobody leaves on their own, nakamas 4 lyfe. All this advice is valid for both men and women. This shit happens to all of us but men tend to be even more guarded to talk about it. So thanks Nolus for sharing, it's the healthy thing to do. Get better soon and hopefully you overcome this experience.
    Thanks! Sadly, when my mom found me, the taxi driver advised her against taking me to toxicology, because he'd heard it was a shitty place (which wouldn't surprise me and maybe I was better off this way).
    I've learned my lesson though and luckily I'm not nauseous anymore. I'll keep an eye out from now on.

    People, always have a designated friend with you who either doesn't drink, or drinks very little and is aware of your surroundings.


  18. #2058
    Discovered Stowaway Big Black Hole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Germany

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Bond en Avant View Post
    It's okay man. I might not be the best person to say this but I believe when people say things will get better.
    Do you want to talk about it here? I feel like that helped me quite a bit.
    I might rather not post here. I thought about it when I posted, but I don't think this forum is "the right place" for it. Forums for psychological issues might be a better fit.


    Carrot's still never gonna join the crew.

  19. #2059
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    In the moustachy shadows~

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Big Black Hole View Post
    I might rather not post here. I thought about it when I posted, but I don't think this forum is "the right place" for it. Forums for psychological issues might be a better fit.
    I hope you find a safe place to discuss whatever troubles you! :) And if you need, don't be ashamed in seeking professional help (even online). I might be going overboard with this, but I've recieved very unkind and uninformed comments from family members, friends AND strangers alike devalueing the work of therapists.


  20. #2060

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    God please help me. I dont feel well at all. I might go insane if this keeps up. I dont know what will happen. But I need to talk to someone.

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