View Poll Results: ...because saving our planet is the thing to do?

168. You may not vote on this poll
  • Kwame (Earth!)

    28 16.67%
  • Wheeler (Fire!)

    35 20.83%
  • Linka (Vind!)

    36 21.43%
  • Gi (Water!)

    24 14.29%
  • Ma-Ti (Heart!)

    61 36.31%
  • Suichi (the monkey!)

    54 32.14%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

  1. #1

    Default FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Our world is in peril. Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, can no longer stand the terrible destruction plaguing our planet. She gives five magic rings to five special young people. From Africa, Kwame with the power of earth. From the North America, Wheeler with the power of fire. From the Soviet Union, Linka with the power of wind. From Asia, Gi with the power of water and from South America, Ma-Ti with the power of heart. With the five powers combined they summon earth's greatest champion - CAPTAIN PLANET!

    Since our token OP match is already running today, and it looks like its going to be a massacre on Banchi's side, I guess I can throw this out.

  2. #2

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Voted for Brooklyn rage and Nostalgia critics friend
    Quote Originally Posted by Kitsune Inferno View Post
    You are a treasure.

  3. #3
    Schrödinger's Giraffe Wooden_Giraffe's Avatar
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    Where's north from here?

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Let's turn them all into trees.

  4. #4

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Wheeler is the idiot american that can't do anything right... but Linka is the Soviet Union bitch! (er... Eastern Europe) Ma-Ti is useless and always gets stuck in a broom closet, but that's kind of his endearing feature. Kwame and Gi are both pretty forgettable.

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  5. #5

  6. #6

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    I never watched Captain Planet. Am I missing out on a childhood here?
    Quote Originally Posted by CCC
    Man, woman, who cares!? Sure, they love show tunes, but who doesn't?

  7. #7

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Quote Originally Posted by Autumncomet View Post
    I never watched Captain Planet. Am I missing out on a childhood here?
    Yes. Yes you are.

    It's an awful, awful show. So bad that its amazing.

    I plan to pull out some of my archived reviews later.

    How the hell do you recruit from the five CORNERS of the globe, anyway?

    "Nice accent toots!"

    "Ma-ti, your power is the greatest of all."
    Last edited by Robby; September 23rd, 2012 at 10:52 AM.
    To support Viz hosting all Jump manga for FREE and day of release, Arlong Park will now support the official release.

    Official chapter discussions now start Sundays at Noon, EST.
    Please do not post threads when scan sites release their version, and just discuss those releases in the spoiler thread.

  8. #8

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    It's all about that heart, motherfucka!

  9. #9

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Vote Ma-Ti!

  10. #10
    the answer is screaming zachri's Avatar
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    Nov 2009
    In my body I hope

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    My childhood suddenly feels ever so slightly empty since I've never watched Captain Planet, but...

  11. #11
    Your long-lost brother Jabra's Avatar
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    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer


    Memories taking over....
    • The red haired guy annoyed me the most. Especially in the episode where he gets captured by rats. I think the message was that one shouldn't have too many kids because the world is overpopulated anyway, but he throws a tantrum and screams "NO ONE CAN RESTRICT THE NUMBER OF CHILDS I'M GOING TO HAVE, RAWR". Hilarious.
    • I always wondered what the fuck the heart power was good for. Then one day that boy tamed an aggressive German Shepherd with his heart beams. From that day on I wanted the heart ring. And a German Shepherd.
    So, I guess it's

  12. #12

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    CLASSIC ROBBY CAPTAIN PLANET REVIEW- The first episode... in German!

    As many of you know, I have this odd love/hate relationship with that early 90's cartoon, Captain Planet. I hate it because the premise is awful, all the characters are idiots, the stories terrible and full of repeated stupid dangers (Like Mati being trapped in something) and because it in general sucks. But I also love it for all those same reasons, its so bad that its fun, and it amused me back when Cartoon Network aired it at 4:00 in the morning to meet government educational requirements. Was always a sign that I was up late that I would then rant about the show.

    Cartoon Network hasn't aired it in a few years, and I have yet to find a proper bootleg DVD set of this horrible show. (Well, I have, but its way more than I'm willing to pay for the travesty, endless MST enjoyment though it may provide.) But recently I discovered a website while looking for Avatar the Last Airbender eps, and it has the first three Captain Planet episodes...) IN GERMAN.

    This could be even more fun than watching it in English.


    Right from the start of the opening credits its obvious this is going to be kooky. The opening where it explains the situation, being explained in a very matter of fact way, by a German. He seems kind of bored while explaining this stuff. Earth seems to be doomed. And Kwame from Africa. "And wheeler from north amerika with de power uf flikenskhlaken. long pause. And Linka from ruskland." I swear its saying "And Mati, who is crap, terible." Honest. Then it gets to the end part where all the kids yell out "Go Planet!" except, they seem very bored. Like "Eh, planet."

    Opening shot, giant crazy anime mech, with crazy laugh. from a fat Pig Guy. Hoggish Greedly (not being voiced by Ed Asner) is using a giant erm... drill machine. Maybe he's drilling for oil and profit, but given how this show is, he's probably just doing it for the sake of destroying the environment for fun I guess. And his skinny little buck toothed sidekick is just as annoying in German.

    Pig Idiot is apparently drilling right onto Gaia, spirit of the Earth, whose showing off a sexy full body shot as she lounges in bed! Oooh, sexy. She is the goddess of Earth, she probably should look good, whether being voiced by Whoopi Goldberg, (How the heck did they ever get Whoopi on this show? Or for that matter, Sting?) or Margot kidder. (Lois Lane from the Superman movies)

    Gaia has now woken up and is apparently realizing for the first time, the world is getting polutted. Guess she's been slacking off for a few decades. So its time to scatter five crappy rings across the world apparently. I really hope all of these kids are hand picked, and not just, you know, random chance. Really does seem odd that she'd choose a bunch of teenagers, that should really be in school or something, as opposed to adults that might be taken seriously. Or world leaders! I mean, this was the early 90's, the president of Eastern Europe would have been... oh, right, the Soviet Union. It was the Soviet Union for the first few seasons. No wonder Linka was always so bitchy, her damn country fell apart and the show never dealt with it...

    Now we meet Kwame. Just a kid tending his African garden and plants. Good for him!

    And now, Gi, whose swimming with dolphins! Aww. Yeah, she's a good fit for planeteer!

    And then in a horrible smoke filled dark city alley at night full of punk rockers and barrels of fire, a stupid American Kid that knows nothing!

    Then in a forest, playing keyboard and playing with birds, Linka. Aww. Wonder if she knows anyone named Zelda?

    And then South America, the last planeteer, Suichi the monkey is in a net, being attacked by a leopard! Oh wait, some kid in a loincloth saved him. I guess the kid can tag along and be the monkey's sidekick.

    So wait, 4 of the planeteers are totally in tune with nature and in a peaceful environment and hanging out with animals, but the AMERICAN is from the grimy nasty street full of crime and violence?

    And suddenly all the kids magically appear on an island. Including Mati, who is still half naked in a loin cloth. Kwame is also in a toga, now that I look at it. Wheeler, being the dumb american, is the first to ask questions. I can only assume, "Hey, whats with guys in the loincloths?" Gaia smiles smugly in response, she was obviously using her magic mirror to watch them all pervertedly. The GIRLS get to be smartly dressed, the guys are all primitive savages. Great.

    And, three seconds in, Wheeler is already hitting on Linka. I'm happy to hear that even in the German dub, she's calling him "Yankee." And Wheeler is turned on. Gaia( Pronounced Guya, not to be confused with Gooyuh, which is how that phonetic spelling seems like it should be pronounced) starts explaining that they all have magic powers, and they start trying them out. And almost getting killed by their powers. Especially Wheeler, the dumb american, who can't seem to grasp that "Fire", or in this case "foire" is a key word for activating it. And he can't stop it after setting the mystical island hut on fire. But the fifth planeteer, the monkey, is smacking him for it.

    Gai is now explaining that Mati's ring is actually tinfoil, and he has no real powers, other than "heart", which is a total croc.

    And wheeler almost sets his armhairs on fire, but thats okay, because the magical mirror showcases the fat pig guy laughing evily again.

    Now 10 minutes in, I have to ask, did this show really need a pilot episode to explain this nonsense? Considering the opening credits pretty much got the premise across, and that in the 100 something episodes that followed they never really discussed this again, it seems unnecessary, but eh well. But now the kids are on their solar powered jet, and everybody is laughing at Wheeler. Including Mati, who in the german version seems to be voiced by a girl... and Wheeler accidentally sets the plane on fire. Stupid American Yankee. Linka doesn't keep accidentally catching stuff in tornados! Gi doesn't keep accidentally drowning everyone! The monkey doesn't keep accidentally humping everyone to show his animal love power! Well, maybe he does. Probably flings his poop as a sign of affection too.

    Maybe they should change Wheeler's key word to "farfignewton" instead of fire, he might not actually say it as often.

    Now, finally back at the giant mecha thing from the start of the episode, the thing shoots oil all over the plane, causing it to crash and kill all the kids inside. The end. Wow, what a terrible way to start and end the series.

    No wait, not over. Linka has the idea to... HAVE WHEELER SET THE PLANE ON FIRE! Seriously. that's her plan, have Wheeler set another fire, in a plane thats COVERED IN OIL.. . Blows a window off and then tries to use wind powers to float the plane. Makes some sense. Except for the setting a plane covered in oil on fire part. And Except for the fact she sucks and can't do it. Kwame is actually useful and makes a landing platform on the ocean, and is thus made the one who will lead all the Captain Planet summoning group orgies from here on out.

    Wheeler is now speaking into a crazy microphone at the badguy. I don't know what he's saying, but considering its Wheeler, its probably something stupid. But the kids decide somehow to try combining their powers to you know, do something. All very non emotional about it. And I'm now sure Mati is a girl, the voice being more femmy than either of the other girls. Big super flashy sequence to summon Captain Planet (it IS the first episode after all). Interestingly, he doesn't seem to have any boots, just shiny blue feet. I'd swear the guy normally wears boots. I guess Mati sewed him some boots in a sweatshop before the next episode. Also, his hair isn't nearly as green or mullet-ey as it was later. Guess he's not quite the punk rocker yet.

    Captain Planet then fights the badguys by going underwater and doing stuff like shutting down their oil mining operation, pulls the pipeline up, and throws it into a nearby recycling bin. Well, that's convenient placement, I guess. He then goes to fight the badguys in their big mech thing , and... gets grabbed really easily, and then they try to kill him with a giant spike thing. Wow, vicious badguys for a guy they don't even know... Luckily, the Captain just laughs it off, he's apparently into being held down and having pointy things thrust at him. He then horribly trashes the crazy anime Dr. Robotnick esque mech thing, tosses villain sidekick into the same recycle bin from earlier (would villain sidekicks be paper or plastic?) ...gets shot with oil. A natural resource that occurs naturally in nature. The thing thats supposed to give him strength. But, screw logic, oil, straight from the ground, not processed or anything... just, oil, from the ground, renders him impotent and dead. The end. Wow, what a terrible way to start and end the series.

    No wait, still not over. Damn. After oil nearly kills him, all the guy planeteers stand over his dead corpse, while the girls (except for Mati) run off to be on their own. Hmm, guess thats why Linka wasn't impressed by Wheeler's advances, she was really into Gi. Makes sense. So the guys, to prevent Captain Planet from being crushed by a mecha,... move a GIANT ROCK into the way half an inch from CP's face, to stop the giant mech foot. Except the scale suddenly changes between camera angles and the mech is hugely ginourmous city crusher size. For one scene anyway... The planeteers wash the oil off with nearby sea water that they carried in Linka's jacket (So what, the salt in the water doesn't hurt him? Or sea turtle feces? Surely, the plankton must be harmful to him, right? Or the fact that the water has been touched by cloth fibers, surely that pollutes it?)

    Captain Planet then destroys the entire giant mech, REAL EASY. And Linka is no longer wearing her jacket Thats hot. Better than Mati in a loincloth, to be sure. Then theres some sort of speech, and Wheeler sets a bucket of water on fire. Seriously. Okay no, he's actually just heating it up, so they can wash the oil off some poor animals and cleaning the beach. But he still set a bucket of water on fire. And while all the planeteers sit there actually scrubbing.. Mati just makes whirly gestures with his/her heart power. Truly utterly useless power. Its not getting those animals clean at all! Their going to die from choking on oil while Mati sits there trying to use his crappy power! Arrg! Serously the monkey should have the magic ring.

    And then Wheeler gets licked by a Walrus, and everybody laughs Followed by a Public Service Announcement, (where Cap STILL isn't wearing any shoes) that isn't nearly as interesting as any of the ones G.I. Joe did. Nature of the beast I guess. End credits are pretty much the same, though the rhythm of the music and lyrics actually sounds better in German. Go fig.

    And this entire horrible show was brought to us by DICK. I mean, DIC. Yeah, the production company. Wonder if they ever went off and did porn after this?
    Last edited by Robby; September 23rd, 2012 at 11:23 AM.
    To support Viz hosting all Jump manga for FREE and day of release, Arlong Park will now support the official release.

    Official chapter discussions now start Sundays at Noon, EST.
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  13. #13
    Discovered Stowaway
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    Some island in new world

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Lets summon Captain planet by voting for all 5 :P

  14. #14
    Just badass Sano's Avatar
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    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Vote for Ma-Ti, just for his post Captain Planet days.

  15. #15
    Ttorquaresz Nia's Avatar
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    Crazy Bird-Lady from Germany

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyan D. Funk View Post
    The only reason why I even voted.

  16. #16

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer


    This was the very first one I actually did, so its a lot less focused on Captain Planet specifically. It's more just a blog entry.

    So, last week I spent two days without sleep getting a book done, right? Obviously the side effect is, when I came home, I slept for a long time, but still didn't get fully rested. My sleep schedule was thus off the entire weekend, and come Monday morning, lo and behold, I wake up at 3 AM and can't get back to sleep again.

    So, my schedule is completely screwed. Hopefully today will basically get me back on schedule.

    On side notes, Zoids Chaotic Century is at the begining again, and I'm remebering how much I love this show.

    Captain Planet had a really stupid episode about overpopulation that involved Wheeler in a dream sequence. Oddly enough, a couple minutes in I thought it was the one where he dreamed he was in the future and he and Linka had like 20 kids. I was all ready to MST it and talk to myself about how much Linka must like Wheeler in the sack, but no, it WASN'T *that* episode about overpopulation, it was a different one with an entire race of smart rat people that all got killed in the end. (There was also a line adressed towards Kwami about planeteers being slaves. AN innocent line in and of itself, but when ONLY the black character comments on it... wierd...)

    So anyway, apparently Captain Planet had TWO episodes based on overpopulation. And of course at the end of every episode, they reprise the moral in their public service announcment. Recycle, don't cut down trees, save the whales, etc. Here the moral was, "When the time comes for you to have your own families, remember to keep it small!" Seriously, that was the line. And I found that really really weird.

    Captain Planet preaching abstinence and/or safe sex, albeit in a roundabout way? Somehow I don't think the target audience of kids 5-9 are really going to register that particular lesson, let along remember it 10 or 15 years later when said lesson is actually applicable. Just really strange.

    Wow, and I just really ranted about Captain Planet. SOrry, but I found that episode to be really off, and its early. Of course who knows, maybe some kids really loved the show and actually remember said lesson...

    On a side note, Pokemon is playing the island of the giant pokemon episode (they're really robots in an amusement park) and apparently Jessie got her Ekans for her birthday and James got Koffing for Christmas. Just a random fact I learned from early morning television...

    So, the morals for the day are...
    -Don't sleep in too much on weekends
    -Jessie and James have NEVER quite caught a pokemon
    -Family planning is important when you do it way down the road
    To support Viz hosting all Jump manga for FREE and day of release, Arlong Park will now support the official release.

    Official chapter discussions now start Sundays at Noon, EST.
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  17. #17

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    I....I don't know any of these people or the cartoon it is based on. Then I tried to base it upon who looked the most awesome and realised that didn't work either. :/
    Oh hey, I do videos on figures and manga and stuff:

  18. #18

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer


  19. #19

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    have absolutely no idea about this series... So I'm voting earth because I love earth bending
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  20. #20
    is Stolen Silence's Avatar
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    In a state of mind

    Default Re: FILLER MATCH: Best Planeteer

    You guys are doing it wrong.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wagomu View Post
    There's a great lighthearted vibe around here, because no matter how serious we might get, we're all together because of some magical pirate.

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